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At some point after the split, you have to take a big, deep breath 
By Patty Swyden Sullivan
Are you seeking a dynamic, confident new life filled with people whose company you look forward to and enjoy? But instead of living that life, you waste time and energy dragging the past into the present…a task akin to running a three-legged race with a concrete block tied to your ankle. Honestly, you will be lucky to see the finish line, much less cross it. You need help keeping the past in its place—and the simple passing of time will not do this. But—the passing of time plus a shift in attitude will.
Loosen the Grip
When grief begins to wane and the reasoning side of our brains begins to stir, we should be able to move forward, but often our emotions cling to the past like so many barnacles on the side of an old boat. Reason challenges our emotion, which are a little wrung out from all of the hurt, anger, sadness and jealousy they have been entertaining. Your reasoning instincts urge you to get on with it, to rid yourself of those pesky emotional hanger-ons. But your emotions do not relent easily; continuing to argue for your needs, sapping your energy.
This is the stage most people find themselves when they know they have to make a change. Major grief has passed, but remnants of anger/loneliness/sadness/jealousy linger. We want to let go and move forward, but we don’t feel up to it. But what’s the other option?
In other words, it is sink or swim, take your pick. Sound caustic? Not really.
It is time to exert control, make a choice: be proactive or passive. Sink or swim. Will you wait for the “feeling” of drowning to pass? I suspect not. I am betting that you will kick and push upward with every mite of energy at your command to break through the surface, breath in gulps of glorious air.
Am I minimizing the emotions of your current situation? Yes. But the end result is the same. You have to come out and face the world. The best part is that you can do it on your terms. You have total control. You can choose positive thoughts, actions and attitudes and from there, attract joy and wisdom.
You are wise. You have learned much about change: it can come fast and without warning or linger in the shadows before popping out in a big reveal. Hey, I have an idea. Why not take this knowledge that life is all about change, combine it with the control you have over your being and mentally prepare yourself for all of life’s gifts—the difficult transitions and the miracles of joy awaiting you? You can do it!
For more about the author see Patty Swyden Sullivan
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