Why does dating always have to get complicated?more |
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By Jennifer Derryberry Mann 
Last year, Linda Rockey sold everything she owned and moved to Rochester, Minn., so she could get needed medical care. To help make the transition to a new community, she made bold moves on the social scene, too—she sought out Rochester’s Savvy Singles group, which numbers about 500 single men and women.
“Whether I ever have a date or not, does not matter as much as the desire I have to make new friends,” Rockey said.
That’s characteristic of Rockey’s sense of spirituality, which is, she says, “what makes us want to care for others and to reach out to everyone—especially those who are alone.”
Human Connection
The desire for human connection is real. Acts of kindness
can create a positive, satisfying sense of connection and can even become a personal spiritual anchor.
Feeling disconnected, whether from loved ones, yourself or your sense of spirit, can lead to hasty choices about dating, especially if you have had a tendency to bounce from date to date or relationship to relationship. Go down that path and before you know it, the bahs set in, leaving you feeling zapped of energy and more disconnected than ever. Instead, enjoy being solo by taking stock of your relationship with yourself. After all, it is an essential piece of the foundation for every other relationship in your life, says clinical psychologist Pamela D. Garcy.
Celebrate the Single Spirit
Former Delta flight attendants Susan Johnston and Kimberly Webb not only made peace with their status as single women; they have embraced it in a big way. The friends co-wrote Princess Bubble (Bubble Gum Press, 2006), a modern-day fairy tale to help girls imagine a new kind of “happily ever after” that doesn’t require a damsel in distress, or a prince, to save the day.
“Knowing how low self-esteem and depression plague many single females, we wanted to spread the message that ‘happily ever after’ can occur before Prince Charming arrives…or even if he never does,” Webb says, explaining the Princess Bubble philosophy that is shared at FindYourPrince.com. According to their fairy tale, “True happiness is found by loving God, being kind to others and being comfortable with who you are!”
Solo Harmony
The notion of being happy with where you are in life and celebrating that is much more than a hollow platitude. “The relationship with the self lays the foundation for all other relationships. If it is out of harmony, it can impair your other relationships,” says Garcy, author of The Power of Inner Guidance: Seven Steps to Tune In and Turn On (Universe, 2007).
To find out whether you’re in tune with your own happiness, Garcy recommends a 10-question self-awareness quiz. Give special attention to your “no” answers:
1. Do you work on accepting and loving yourself for who you are?
2. Do you spend time tuning into yourself?
3. Do you validate yourself by honoring what is important to you?
4. Do you take time to visualize what you want for yourself?
5. Do you have an interest which absorbs you, and which you make time to pursue?
6. Do you regularly take time to be grateful for that which you have?
7. Do you take care of your physical, financial, social, mental, emotional and spiritual realities?
8. Do you give yourself time to relax and recuperate?
9. Do you think of ways to create the outcomes that you want?
10. Do you read literature of a positive nature, attend workshops or connect with others in a spiritual fashion?
Take stock of your “no” and “not really” answers, jotting down a few notes in a journal about why you answered as you did. (Garcy offers tips for tapping into your own inner guidance at myinnerguide.com.) Notice whether something on your list captures your imagination. Turning that question into a statement—“Accept and love yourself for you who are” or “Take time to visualize what you want for yourself”—may make for an excellent rebound.
Close Connection
Nurturing the spirit begins with nurturing yourself. For Linda Rockey, a self-described gypsy traveling her winding path through Rochester, nurturing her spirit means acting kindly toward someone in need. For the once-upon-a-time flight attendants, nurturing the self begins with believing that life is sweet right now—no partner required. The most enticing example, however, should be your own: What will you do to nurture your self and others?
Jennifer Derryberry Mann is a Minneapolis-based freelance writer and editor.
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